The Weeks Before Christmas (2013)

A few weeks before Christmas but it seems like a blink
We remember Beyonce’s Presidential lip-synch
Our hopes were hung on a big group of clowns
Who took over the government and then shut it down

The ACA’s website was nestled on the web
While folks without cover got crashed instead
Miley Cyrus went twerking and set us a dither
As million of people reached out to twitter

When out on the floor there arose such a sigh
For Twitter’s IPO at a 45 high
Away to the movies for Iron Man three
It got higher numbers than Gravity

The light on the screen regardless of cost
Showed Captain Phillips and All Is Lost
When to my amazement 42 gets a rave
And so does The Butler and 12 Years A Slave

The drivers of Omnicom and Publicis came
To an agreement that changed the ad game
Much bigger than all other agencies
Including those of WPP’s

Now DOMA, now Snowdon, now NSA
The IRS might get you today
To the top of you emails and phone bills ‘cause they can
While Zimmerman walks out of court a free man

The typhoon on the crest of the Philippines fell
Oklahoma’s tornado another death knell
The Marathon bombers were young and hard
And a crazy got shot in the Navy Yard

I heard Bill and Kate made George a prince
While North West Kardashian made us all wince
King James in Miami put on a show
While Pope Francis continued to drive his Renault

They were dressed all in beards as they played the game
St Louis and Boston they all looked the same
With a bundle of hits they clocked into the breeze
Including a couple by David Ortiz

With the stump of a rating Homeland took hold
As did House of Cards and Scandal I’m told
What show got the ratings, was it Mad Men take a guess
You’re wrong dear reader, it’s still NCIS

It was more than his eyes that twinkled on tweets
As Anthony’s Weiner couldn’t stay under sheets
‘Cross the river he won with a droll big mouth
But could he win the Midwest, could he win in the South

He was chubby and plump and wasn’t too tall
Can he beat Walker, Cruz and also Rand Paul
With no wink in his eye a depressed President
Let us know that the Dow hit 16000 percent

He will speak not a word because he has passed
Here’s to Tony Soprano one of the last
Thatcher left too, politically adroit
But so have some cities just look at Detroit

But let’s spring to the New Year with hope in our stride
Screw the debt and the shutdown and DC inside
Can’t we be civil without any fright
Just say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, good night